I will follow
Mental Health, Substance Use, Trauma
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.” Isaiah 6:8
I remember several years ago praying this scripture out loud to God. I was in awe of the magnificent grace and mercy that the Lord had been showing and allowing me to experience -my only true heart response was to submit to His will.
I was going through an embarrassing and humbling time in my life. I was caught up in an addiction that led to an arrest and the loss of my nursing career. I delved into the word of God for the first time in years and the more I read the word of God the more I was able to humble myself. He just kept showing up in my life and I wanted others to experience the freedom that I had found. After a while- a long while -I had finally healed enough to begin to use my mess for a message and I was so excited. I prayed this scripture again- with gusto! I was in a new career that I loved working to show others the way out of their addiction. I saw so much healing and people finding freedom – it couldn’t get any better, I thought. Then God led me away from there and I thought I knew exactly what was happening- (the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9)He began to lead me to another area that I did not want to go but I knew that was the place I was to go (John 21:18- comes to mind). I went reluctantly and began to build resentments because where He led me was unfamiliar and downright hard- I was confused and this led to anxiety and depression! I cried out to God to ‘to get me out of the situation’- he reminded me of when I said ‘ here I am, send me’- that was when I repented and became obedient, open minded and willing to go and do whatever he asked- no matter the cost – because I have learned that i will have peace only when I am in the will of God.
I don’t share this with you, friend, to prove how spiritual I am- I share this to share how good God is. That he would allow me more grace to do His will. In my strength I could never ‘go where he wants me to go’ Philippians 4:12-13 states I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. He will never leave or forsake you- if he brought you to it he will get you through it!
"Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear; and doing it in the most loving and stern way I've ever seen!"
- Amanda I.