Hi yal (you are loved),
“When are you going to stop doing the same thing over and over again?” “When will you ever learn?” “How many times are you going to make the same mistake?”
Maybe these are phrases you have heard come out of your mouth from time to time. They certainly come out of mine more times than I’d like to admit. And they have come into my mind more often than that! (https://signalforhelpministries.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=110381&action=edit). There is life and death in the tongue, James tells us and since I believe this to be true- I could use this as a weapon against the enemy, right? Remember our enemy is not flesh and blood, so conventional weaponry will not work! I’ve learned that my best defense is a good offense. The stages of change helps me to stay loving, compassionate, forgiving and realistic!
Let’s be honest! We get upset because other people aren’t doing things we want them to do or as fast as we’d like them to do it. Yes, I know they may be destroying their life and there is a much better way for them to do things. I also know that I have not met a person who has changed because I told them to. Here is a method I use to not get frustrated with individuals who are working through making better decisions.
The stages of change are:Pre- contemplation- contemplation- preparation-action and maintenance.

Pre- contemplation is the denial stage. Denial stands for ‘don’t even k(n)ow I am lying. Others are seeing an issue with behavior, but those of us in the issue don’t seem to be aware or excusing behavior is still reasonable. This is the solution to their problem.

What can I do in this stage?  Pray for awareness, pray for discernment and pray for eyes to see and ears to hear.  also remember that ‘life and death are in the tongue, both blessing and cursing’ so be wise with your words!

Contemplation stage of change is the beginning of awareness. The individual may be starting to question  behavior as part of the problem and not the solution.

What can I do?  still Pray asking for discernment for self on how best to handle situation.  Remember that the individual making the change believes that their behavior is a solution not a problem.  

Preparation stage is just that- preparing to make a change. Might be looking and asking for solutions!  
What can I do?  again, pray.  Pray for a ready response and ready answer to help find positive solutions for their real problem.  This might be a good time to practice asking for help yourself:)

Action stage- yep you guessed it- taking action to make a change

What can I do: Pray and now you can pray for that individual and yourself that you will be compassionate and empathetic to the change process in yourself and others and for strength to endure the temptations that so easily ensnare.  Pray for the Holy Spirit to complete the good plan and works that was predestined by God to be accomplished through us. 

Maintenance stage is continuing to maintain the change until it is a lifestyle.  Keep praying, keep pressing on and keep encouraging.

I use this intervention/ tool in my practice and with my loved ones. Knowing what stage of change a person is in with a particular behavior helps me to be gracious and compassionate! Just like I wouldn’t be frustrated with a child learning to walk every time they fell down and started crawling again; this tool helps me not be frustrated with others when they are learning a new skill!

God, you are holy and there is none like you. When I think of all your hands have made and how you have orchestrated everything to work out for good; even painful memories, emotions and past experiences- I cry out as the prophet Isaiah said- “I am ruined”.   I pray that the pressing that these experiences have created will leave a pure message of hope and may create language and for conversations instead of accusations! I pray this in Jesus name and by the power of the Holy Spirit! AMEN (let it be so)